run around, get dirty. make some bad decisions.

this is supposed to be one of those times when being in the gray is just easier.


but half of me is colored in, and the other half is slowly decomposing from the wait.
i could push and pull. or force answers.
but knowing that doing that will leave me where i am, or even push me backwards, anyway... it just doesn't seem logical.

sometimes words slip from lips. and gestures sneak out of arms. small reminders that what once was, is still there. no matter how deep its core is buried, it still exists. so i secretly tie colored ribbons around trees in hopes that maybe it will become a reminder of the positive. of what we should be hoping for. aiming after. i disguise them as other things. but i still hope you drive past them.

my plan for the end of fall still stands. whether or not it is standing as straight as it was when i first pulled it from my head is a question i can't answer. but i know that if what i know when i'm supposed to know it, is not something i want to, then i am going. i have to. this is my ultimatum that i am projecting on everyone, a few in particular.
what can i say... life is about choices. its a series of decisions that lead to a conclusion which holds more decisions that leads to a conclusion... you get it.



we'll see. i guess that is the moral of this.




-xo